AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It wasn’t a question I was supposed to have an answer to. And yet, some instinct or something I had seen but not registered when coming down the stairs, pulled my attention all the way across the kitchen and the empty floor to the sofa in the living room. Dad’s pillow, blanket, and a clean bedsheet were folded and stacked on one end. I wouldn’t have seen it coming downstairs. Not completely, at least.
My heart lifted at the obvious solution to all my problems and then sank to its lowest when I realized I was finding selfish relief in my father’s problems. “What’s going on?” How could I feel two totally opposite things without them canceling out one another?
Dad didn’t look up. He fired up the stove and put a pan on it to heat up. As he rummaged through the fridge to find the butter, he lifted one shoulder into a half-shrug. “Oh, nothing to worry about,” he said.
I was silent for a little while, observing him. “That bad?” I asked, judging by his silence.
He frowned like the melting butter was an important scientific experiment and he couldn’t afford to break his focus. “It is what it is.” He glanced at me and tried to appear nonchalant, but I recognized that deep-set pain in his eyes from when I was a child. I’d seen all this happening once before. “Things end, that’s all.”
“Ah, fuck,” I muttered. “I’m sorry, Dad.”
He sucked his teeth. “It’s alright, Jordan. I don’t want you getting into the middle of this, taking sides. Eileen’s done a wonderful job bringing you into the family. And I hope Asher will feel the same way about his time with me.”
“He will,” I said musingly before catching myself. “I think.”
As the pancake sizzled on the hot pan, Dad gave me a significant look. “Everybody learns this in their own skin, but I’ll tell you anyway. Enjoy the good things while they’re good. If they pass, it’ll be easier than regretting the things you could have done better.”
“Do you have regrets?” I asked openly.
Dad’s eyebrows rose. “Me?” He seemed to find that laughable. “Perhaps a few, but not the way you think, Son. We had a good run. I wouldn’t have changed that for anything.”
There was one burning question, partly because I wanted to know what pitfalls to avoid and partly because it was where the root of all problems should be. “What happened?”
Dad lifted the spatula like he was about to lecture me. “I might be forty-six, Son, but I’m not too old to change. It never stops.” He cocked one side of his mouth into a smile. “People change for as long as they live. And sometimes, we don’t change in the same way.”
He was stacking those pancakes in silence while I had my coffee and thought about it. For a moment, it felt like I’d figured it all out. It felt like we had nowhere else to go but up. Asher and I, together against all odds. It felt like the end of the story. But as I looked at my dad, it sank in that nothing in life was guaranteed.
I will cherish it while I have it, I promised myself. And I’ll have it for as long as I cherish it.
“Don’t get all gloomy on me, Jordan,” Dad warned me. “I’ll regret telling you.”
I snorted. “Yes, because lying would have solved things.” Hypocrite, I snapped at myself. All these days of hiding had felt like leading a double life. I was a liar and now I felt like it.
“I don’t want you feeling down, Son. We all make our own choices, right? My and Eileen’s were good for a long time and then they weren’t. It’s not foreshadowing your future.” He looked into my eyes like he could read my mind. And he was close. Worry rose in me that the same fate awaited everyone, especially us. If Eileen and Dad couldn’t work it out, were Asher and I doomed? Were we destined to repeat our parents’ mistakes?
Again, that silence. I was drowning in it, but I didn’t dare talk about anything. My mind was swirling around Asher. He was upstairs, asleep, naked, wonderful. He had waited for me for too long to let something break us apart. That gave me confidence.
And yet, my careful nature was beginning to kick in again. I was contemplating all the possibilities, incapable of turning off my brain now. It had been good while it had lasted, all that time of not thinking.
“Tell me,” Dad said cheerfully. “Is there a girl you’re hiding from us?”
“A guy,” I muttered, snapping my jaw shut.
Fear flooded my chest as I looked up, meeting my Dad’s slightly surprised look.
“My bad for assuming,” Dad said with a smile. “Have you been keeping that for a long time?” There was some concern in his voice, but he handled it as lightly as Asher’s coming out.
I shrugged. “I figured you should know since we’re sharing stories and all.”
Dad focused on me, letting the pancake worry about itself. “You know it makes no difference, Jordan.” He licked his lips and put a hand over my hand. “I hope you weren’t keeping it a secret out of fear that I would…I don’t know, say something wrong.”
I shook my head. “It’s mostly been girls in the past,” I admitted. “I never felt like talking about it.” Because it was inseparable from the person I was in love with all these years. In love with. My heart jolted. “I knew you’d accept it like this.”
He winked. “There’s nothing to accept or refuse, Jordan.”
Dad was sort of the pioneer of the world in which I wanted to live. There wasn’t any need to come out or make a big announcement in his view. It was as simple as discussing your favorite flavor of ice cream.
We fell silent when Asher’s footsteps on the stairs announced his arrival. He wore a sleeveless T-shirt with a low neckline that revealed the upper part of his chest and the beautiful valley between his pecs where, just a few hours ago, I’d had my tongue and lips. His shorts were faded denim, the bottom edge rolled twice, revealing his smooth thighs halfway through. The only way he could have been sexier was if he’d come down wearing nothing but some whipped cream on his nipples. I’m hungry, I decided and imagined him resolutely without any whipped cream anywhere. That was even better.
