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I felt tears flooding my eyes, and I began nodding my head slowly. “I do,” I admitted. “And I believe he sent me here. I think he wanted me in Virginia Beach. This very town. Even this house.”
“Why?” he asked hoarsely. “He sure isn’t giving me confirmation.” He cleared his throat. “Why do you think he wanted you here?”
“He wanted me to meet you. He wanted me to meet someone that is exactly like he was.”
“And how am I like Jack?”
I reached for his hand. “You are breathtaking for starters,” I began. “You are direct, yet innocent. You’re weird, but in a good way. You see the world with wonder, just like Jack did. You expect good things to happen. Not want, but expect, and there’s a huge difference in that approach.”
“Anything else?”
“And… well… I needed Jack. Jack was everything that I’m not. Jack was better at everything. He was brave, and he was adventurous. He was funny and smart. Jack knew about love. He gave love. To everyone, endlessly, and all the time. He understood I was none of those things, but he still loved me,” I explained. “I could never figure out why he did.”
I paused and thought about how much of an influence Jack had been on my life. He’d counseled me and made me feel safe enough to trust loving Alan. I couldn’t have made the commitment without his direction and guidance. “I needed Jack.”
“You said that already, Mister Hicks.”
“I truly feel that he knew I needed you, Chad. He knew I could never function in a world without a Jack, so he sent me to find my very own Jack.”
“And you truly believe that?” he asked, tears escaping his beautiful eyes.
“I do,” I stated. “And I don’t think he’s telling you what to do any longer because he thinks you can make up your own mind now. You don’t need Jack’s permission,” I offered. “I’m certain that is exactly what he is doing. You see, Chad, I knew Jack in person, but I didn’t truly know how special Jack was until I met someone like him. Until I met you.”
“Have you told him that yet?” Chad asked.
“I just did,” I said. “And I will only ask you this one time, I promise.”
“Okay.”
“Are you over Clint?”
Chad took his time answering. I was sure that he wanted to be sure he answered my question carefully and with his usual purpose.
“Yes, but I will always be his friend,” he clarified. “He’ll remain an important person to me, but never more important than the man I am in love with.”
“Is that man me?”
“It is you, Mr. Hicks.”
I reached for his hand, holding it gently. “Can you help me believe again?” I asked. “I’m not good at these things. I am riddled with self-doubt and fear of love—all the things that I am certain are the killers of love and happiness. I always compare myself and my abilities to others, knowing damn well that comparison is the thief of joy.”
Chad came to stand in front of me and held my chin, making sure I could read his face and his intention. “When I love, I love deeply, and I commit to that love. I want to be with you, Cole.”
I swept his bangs from his eyes as a slight breeze tousled his hair. The sun caught his brilliant blue eyes, and they flashed pure love into my heart.
That was the thing about Chad. He was a vessel for pure love. No wonder Jack found him.
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE: Chad
“Mondays rule!” Rat yelled as he zipped by me on his surfboard, giving me hang-ten signs with both hands.
I bobbed up and down on my board, watching him ride the wave all the way to the beach. My eyes scanned just beyond the shoreline and toward Cole’s house. I saw his familiar outline as he watered the flowerpots on the deck. I’d planted them on the condition that he took care of them while I worked.
While I continued staring at him, he must’ve sensed me because he turned to face the beach, his eyes scanning the water for me. He waved to see if it was me bouncing on the waves. He couldn’t see my face, but I smiled at him, my heart flooding with love. I loved that man on the patio a few hundred yards away. It hadn’t been easy, but we’d arrived here.
We’d made it to a mutual place where trust existed and a whole heap of daily nurturing and affirmation strengthened our foundation. He needed the reassurance that I was there for the long haul. What I needed was the safety that his love offered.
I undid the small waterproof container attached by Velcro around my ankle. I gingerly removed my cell so as not to drop it into the ocean, and found his contact, pressing the heart emoji I used instead of his name. I observed him as he glanced my way before pulling the phone out of his shorts pocket.
