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“Maggie, you’re a terrible actor,” she told me. “You can barely make it through lying to May when you want to take a sick day to grab brunch when you’re not really sick. You’re trying to tell me that all of a sudden you became the best actor I know and convinced everyone, including your family and best friend, that you weren’t head over heels for a guy?”
“I never denied that I didn’t catch feelings. That’s why I’m in this mess, Olivia.”
“I wasn’t done.” She pointed a finger at me, warning me to stay quiet. “You’re also trying to tell me that Tommy Mikals, the guy that used to go through girls like toilet paper, all of a sudden was willing to be monogamous because of a fake relationship? And that all of the times I caught him staring at you like a lovesick puppy at practices or on the bus or on the plane or at any time when there were no cameras around meant he didn’t really like you?”
“Even if that were all true,” I replied, “he told me that at one time he would have forgiven Sutton for everything she did if she would have chosen him. That may have been that moment.”
“You will never know for sure until you find out for yourself.” Olivia’s gaze softened as she watched me. “I’ve seen you grow significantly this season because of that man. I don’t want to see you regress. You are so close to fully moving on and allowing yourself to be happy.”
Olivia wasn’t far from the truth. With each passing day, I felt lighter than ever before. It was like I was detaching a piece of baggage with every thread I tied. I knew I wasn’t done yet, but Tommy had been a big reason for the progress that I had made this year.
“I’m not saying you need to forgive him.” Olivia pulled me into a hug. “I’m just saying that you have the opportunity to be happy again and you’re letting it slip from your fingers. I’m saying you need to try.”
A small part of me knew that what she was saying was the right thing to do. I had effectively cut Tommy out again after I had seen Sutton in his arms. I was too scared for my biggest fears to be confirmed, so suspending it in time forever with no answers was better than getting the answer I didn’t want. But the realistic part of my brain realized that I deserved to hear Tommy out. The rate with which he was trying to get ahold of me proved that he wanted to talk to me. I had to be strong enough to listen to what he had to say.
“Okay,” I told her.
“And a shower. You definitely need a shower.”
I laughed into her shoulder as she continued to hug me. My arms tightened around her waist as I held on to one of my biggest lifelines for the past few years.
“Something is still holding you back.” Olivia didn’t say it like a question. She knew me well enough to know the truth.
“I think there is something I need to do before I talk to Tommy.”
Olivia held me at arm’s length as she studied my face. “Do you need me?” she asked. I shook my head in response. I knew this was something I needed to do on my own.
“Promise me you’ll talk to him?” Olivia asked as she gathered her purse. “And shower. You have to shower.”
“I promise,” I told her, and meant it. I wasn’t sure when I would talk to Tommy, but I knew I would eventually.
Olivia pointed at me as she backed out of my apartment. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Always.”
Olivia gave me one more smile before she closed the door behind her, leaving me in the mess that was my apartment with a completely different mess inside my head. I lifted my armpit and took a whiff. The first thing on my list was definitely to take a shower. Then I would deal with my apartment once I didn’t smell like I’d been avoiding taking care of myself.
I took my time with tidying my apartment. It was therapeutic and gave me the chance to think about what I had to do next. There were a couple of things on my list I needed to do before I could talk with Tommy. As I cleaned off the mountain of dirty dishes from my kitchen counter, a piece of paper slipped to the floor.
“Shit,” I breathed before reaching down to snatch it off the ground. It was the check I received for the contract, only now it had a stain on the corner from the pizza I had the night before.
I stared at that check before reaching for my purse and sliding it inside.
The bus ride to the stadium allowed me to rehearse what I was going to say to Monica enough times in my head that I only hoped it would come out from memory. The stadium was relatively empty today. There were a few people cleaning and getting ready for the next home game coming up this week, but it was practically a ghost town. The C-suite was the complete opposite of the stadium below it. People in suits were hustling from room to room, making the wheels turn behind the scenes.
Monica’s office was toward the back of the floor, and the trek to it was the longest hike of my life. I had to remind myself that what I wanted to tell her wasn’t something that I was dreading doing. It was something I should have done the moment I had started developing feelings for Tommy.
I knocked on Monica’s door, drawing her attention from where she was sitting at her desk. The woman was the epitome of a boss bitch. Her suit was perfectly tailored to her body, not a single hair was out of place, and the look of a shark stayed firmly on her face. She pushed back from her desk and rose when she saw me.
“Maggie! What a surprise,” she exclaimed. Her arms swept toward the chair on the other side of her desk. “Please have a seat.”
Once the two of us sat in our respective seats, Monica turned to look at me. “What can I help you with?”
“I need to talk about my contract with Tommy.” Monica pursed her lips and sat back in her chair. She didn’t say anything, only allowed me to continue. “I will understand if I can’t terminate the contract, but I don’t want the money that I agreed to. What I would like to do is to give back the payment agreed upon. It doesn’t feel right anymore to take it.”
I slid her the check that May had given me weeks ago, still untouched. Monica’s eyebrows shot up, but that was the only sign of her surprise. Her eyes searched my face, trying to discover whatever it was I wasn’t saying.
“You actually love him,” Monica concluded.
