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There isn’t much going on in here. We could probably fit a TV stand and maybe a recliner. It’ll be tight, but possible.
I take several steps toward the filmy window to check out the view through the milky white residue built up on the glass. Some trees and a patch of grass. That’s it.
Beggars can’t be choosers.
Some of my reservations fade as I continue my tour.
Just a few steps down a narrow hall is a door. A door that’s hopefully the key to my privacy. Somewhere that I can make my own. Somewhere I can attempt to make my safe space.
I throw it open and know instantly that I was correct. There’s a tiny twin bed pushed up against the singular window that provides a sliver of light to stream in.
It’s the same sad view from the living room.
It’s more like a prison than a safe space. The dash of hope is gone. Suddenly, I feel claustrophobic. Like the walls are closing in around me.
Before I can stop myself, I run from the room, rushing toward the door to freedom. When I make it down the steps, the breath bursts from my chest. Cold air hits my face, but it’s not enough. I need to get far away from here. Away from my dad. Away from that awful woman and her grimy trailer.
I need to get away from my life.
I look from left to right, trying to figure out where I can go.
My gaze locks on a trailer a few feet away, and an elderly woman catches my sight. She’s at least in her eighties with sparse white hair and a wrinkled face. She lifts her hand and waves, a large inviting smile welcoming me. At least there seems to be one nice neighbor. That can come in handy in the future.
I raise my own hand and wave back. Normally I’d say hi, but right now, I’m too emotional to talk to her.
Instead, I take off in the opposite direction.
Picking up my pace, I head toward the trees I saw from the window. That’ll be the sole reason our utilities will be astronomical. The cold air will have our heater working overtime, and still, I’ll likely freeze at night, considering my one and only blanket is also threadbare and pathetic.
My feet carry me without a destination. My mind doesn’t care where I go. A dense path materializes beyond the trees. Maybe it will pull me into an alternate world. One with centaurs, and cozy homes with windows that work, and a bed as soft as clouds.
I follow the path, daring to explore. Hoping that maybe I’ll find some semblance of solitude from a world determined to tear me down.
My feet stop. I pitch forward. My hands slap my knees as I suck in deep breaths, desperately trying to stave off the attack that threatens to pull me under.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I continue to focus on my breaths, pulling in a lungful of air until my heartbeat slows and the panic slowly retreats. A trick I learned from the social worker at school.
I’ve been standing here for several minutes, giving myself time, when the sound of crinkling leaves alerts me that I’m not alone.
“Are you lost, kid?”
I twist at the throaty voice. When my eyes land on its owner, I freeze. The boy standing in front of me is tall. Way taller than me. I inspect the crest on the left side of the blazer he’s wearing.
I have no idea what it’s for. Maybe a school logo. Maybe not. It looks like the kind of logo you’d see on a fancy school uniform, but that makes no sense since he’s here. Unless he’s visiting someone.
I tilt my head as I take in the design, determined to figure this out. It looks a bit like a triangle, but not one I recognize. It’s silver, standing out starkly against the solid black of the rest of the jacket.
Realizing I’m not going to figure this out, I crane my neck, looking up into his face.
His features are hard to make out because the trees are blocking what little sun shines through the clouds overhead. He’s cloaked in shadows, and it’s a bit disconcerting.
I take a step back, and he takes a step forward into a space where more light filters through the trees. My breath hitches, and my mouth drops open.
He looks like a fallen angel. Dark and ominous. With chocolate-brown hair and piercing blue eyes. Eyes I can’t turn away from. They have me captive. His irises remind me of the water in the Pacific Ocean I once saw on a TV show. The edges, ringed in black like a violent storm. Looking at them feels like looking into a dark sky and waiting for lightning to flash.
