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Another tear falls. This time, he doesn’t wipe it away. It collects on my lips, and he moves quickly, crossing the small space and placing his mouth on mine, tasting my sadness.A sob catches, and I shudder against him.
When he pulls back, he inclines his chin, asking what’s going on without words.
“It feels like I’m being ripped in two sometimes. Like I don’t know who I am.I should have told you the moment I walked into your suite.” My head shakes, and a puff of air bursts from my lips. “I should have told you it was me.”
Aiden is silent, his jaw tight and brow furrowed. What’s he thinking? If only I had a way of being in his head and being able to read his thoughts. Too bad I can’t.
“I was scared,” I say quickly, filling the silence.
He still hasn’t spoken, and the silence haunts me.
All the memories, our memories, the past month, every single minute I’ve spent with him, play out in my head as I wait for him to say something. Anything.
I know we just had sex, and he said he’s not mad, but now I’m scared. I’m afraid that despite his kisses and touches, despite his words, it’s all going to crash around me. I’m worried that right now he’s second-guessing his feelings.
My heart hammers in my chest, and I close my eyes.
I can’t lose him.
The rational part of my brain tells me I won’t, that he already forgave me. It was in the way he kissed me today. The way he’s held me. Still, we can’t always be rational. Sometimes those intrusive thoughts can’t help but form.
“I just wanted—” I start, but my words die in my throat. “If you knew. If I told you, would you have—”
“No.”
My eyes open at that. Knowing that everything is based on a lie and the only reason I’m here is that lie. It hurts, because a part of me thought that if I was honest, maybe he would have seen me as more than Pip.
“You had to do it. I’m happy you did,” he says, shocking the hell out of me.
My mouth drops open, and then I quickly close it. “Wait. What?”
“I know why you did it now. You didn’t come to my suite to trick me. Things just got out of hand. I was expecting someone else and really didn’t give you ample time to process anything.” He huffs a humorless laugh. “I didn’t remember you. I’m sure your mind was in a million places, all the while I was shoving NDAs in your face.” His head falls back on a groan. “I understand how things could’ve moved really quickly, and after…the ship had sailed.”
I nod because he’s painting a pretty accurate picture of how the night went.
“I could have told you afterward. But…” My words trail off as I try to figure out how to say this. “That night, with the sorting, old habits just kicked in. I wanted to help.” I shrug. “The more time that went by, the more I wanted to be with you. To continue to help you, and there was no way you would have let me if I was Pip.”
He chews on his cheek, breathing in deeply and blowing it out through his nose.
“You’re right, I would never have let you put your life on hold for me because you deserve to live, Cassidy. You deserve to chase your dreams.”
I huff out a humorless laugh. “There weren’t many to chase, Aiden. And like I said, I wanted to be here with you.”
He shakes his head, mumbling something, but finally looks up and holds my stare. “If I knew the truth, I’d never have let you do any of this. I would’ve sent you away.”
My face falls, but I don’t turn away from him. I refuse.
“The thing is, I’m glad I didn’t know, because things changed. I got to know Cassidy. I got to know you. And I don’t regret any of it. I don’t want to change any of it.”
We both move, coming together, lips sealing together. It’s a long kiss. A passionate one. But it doesn’t last long before Aiden pulls away, leaving me practically panting.
“Talk and then…” Aiden leaves the possibilities dangling on a mischievous grin.
We both go quiet for several moments. The air feels heavy with all the truths we’ve both exposed. I’m raw from my confessions.
“Tell me about what I missed,” Aiden says, breaking the silence.
“Oh jeez. No.” I try to laugh, but the truth is, I never want to think about my time in the trailer after Aiden left again.
