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“Your favorites, yes.”
We go into the kitchen, and I let him play on my tablet while I get the ingredients out of the fridge and pantry. I keep glancing over at him, if only to keep my wandering mind in check. Regret keeps kicking at my resolve. I shouldn’t have left the estate.
Derrick keeps texting, trying to find me. Only Mira and Tanya have my forwarding address. Nobody else knows where I’m at, and I want to keep it that way. Kace has tried calling me several times. Finn, too. Elias only sent me a couple of messages, asking if I was okay. I replied with a request to be left alone. I regret that now.
Oh, God, I regret everything, and I have no way of fixing it. Not without telling them the whole truth.
I’m terrified.
Mira stayed with Mikey and me for the first weekend. Poor thing, she tried so hard to talk some sense into me. I told her I knew what I was doing. My stubborn brain hijacked my common sense altogether. She sat there and listened while I let everything out.
My pain, my insecurities, the fear of the unknown—that’s what she called it. The great unknown that is true love. Boy, was she right.
But it’s done. I did what I did and I can’t take it back.
“Do you want any ham in your pasta, honey?” I ask Mikey. Gosh, he looks so cute in his little denim overalls. All he’s missing is a piece of straw in his mouth, and a cow lovingly nibbling on his plump, pink cheek.
“Yeah. And sausage?”
“We don’t have any sausage,” I say. “But I’ve got some leftover chicken from last night. You liked that, didn’t you?”
He nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, chicken is good! I wanna grow up fast.”
“Why is that?” I laugh.
“So I can take care of you and you can stop crying at night.”
The words hit me like a sledgehammer. I damn near drop the saucepan before I reach the stove with it. My limbs tremble as I carefully place it on top of the medium flame and slowly turn around to look at my son. “Honey, what are you talking about?” I ask him.
“You cry a lot, Momma,” Mikey says, peeling his eyes away from the game he’s playing for a brief moment. “I don’t like it when you cry.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I didn’t mean for you to see me cry. Momma’s just going through a bit of a hard time, but we’re okay, we’re always gonna be okay. Why do you want to grow up faster, though? How’s that gonna stop me from crying?”
Mikey thinks about it for a second, my smart little sweetheart. “If I grow up fast, I’ll be a big man. And I can protect you. You’ll be safe and happy. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Oh, baby, but you already make me the happiest!”
I could cry but clearly my boy has seen enough of that already.
“I do?” he seems surprised.
“Of course! My whole heart, that’s you, baby!” I reply with a warm smile. “Now, would you like to help Momma with lunch?”
“Yes!” he jumps out of his seat. “What do I do?”
I can’t help but laugh, though tears still sting my eyes, threatening to fall. “How about you get a couple of plates from the cupboard below, huh?”
“Sure!”
My angel. The only man I can ever rely on, funny enough. Pint-sized and ferociously brilliant for his young age. Caring and curious. Stern, even, at times. More responsible than most adults on occasion.
Mikey never ceases to surprise me with how kind and how remarkably observant he can be. I thought I had my emotions in check around him. I hoped he didn’t fully understand what was happening, that he was just going along with it.
Turns out, my boy sees and understands more than I’d hoped.
Once we’re finished with our lunch, Mikey helps me clean and put the dishes away before I leave him to his afternoon nap in the bedroom. He’s almost to that age where the naps will stop, but I can usually get him down a couple times a week.
I get online and start applying to a few interesting job offers, but honestly, none of them sound as good as what I had at the Golden Sequoia Estate.
