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“Because I thought it was the only way for me to feel wanted.” She lets out a defeated chuckle like she can’t even believe her own words.
My jaw hurts from how hard I’m grinding my teeth. Sally wraps her arms around herself, making herself small once again. I almost reach out to pull her between my legs and into my embrace.
“Who made you feel like this?” People aren’t just born knowing how the world views them. Self-perception is formed by the world around us and then developed as we grow up. You aren’t born hating yourself.
“Surprise, surprise, I experienced a lot of transphobia when I was in high school,” she says in a fake light tone. “All the boys and girls treated me like a freak, but something changed during my junior year. One day, the most popular guy in school started talking to me. He was the star of the football team. Everyone worshiped the ground he walked on, and suddenly, he wanted to be around me.”
I continue to grind my molars. She sounds so surprised that any guy would give her the time of day outside of sex.
“He started waiting for me at the front of school, walking me to and from class, even eating lunch with Ella and me. He was the first guy to hold my hand in public, first date, first kiss, and first…” She suddenly stops.
My blood boils at the idea of this guy taking every single first from her. The jerk who caused so much doubt in her life is also the man who took all these moments that should be fond memories and turned them into painful reminders.
I sweep her drawn-in body with my eyes and pause on her face. She’s staring out into the darkness of the room. Just a quick glance might make you think she’s thinking of something good, but she looks like she’s imagining a fantasy she could never have.
“Then he invited me to a party.” Her lips quiver, replacing the previous expression. “I thought he was gonna tell people we were dating. God, I was so fucking stupid.”
I want to reach out, but that could stop her from talking, and as much as hearing her like this makes me want to punch a wall or this dude’s face, I can tell she’s been holding it all in.
“He took me upstairs, saying he wanted to take our relationship to the next level, and if I’m being honest, I stopped thinking after that. I wanted him to love me so much I didn’t care how I got it.” Her voice shakes along with her whole body.
I can’t take this anymore. I make a judgment call and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her back into my chest and between my legs. She’s trembling against my bare skin.
“I don’t remember much after we slept together. I passed out, and when I woke up, he was gone. On Monday, I didn’t notice he wasn’t waiting for me, but I did notice his friends snickering every time they looked at me. It wasn’t until one of them came up to my locker and flashed a little flip phone, and on the screen—” She swallows a silent sob. “On the screen was me, naked.”
My nostril flares and any reasoning leaves my body. I am going to drive to her hometown and kill him. Sally wraps her hands around my biceps, almost reading my thoughts and saying she needs me to stay here with her.
A sob comes out from her throat, tears now soaking her face and dripping down her chin and into my shirt.
Her grasp on my arms loosens, so I slip my hand up her neck, threading my fingers through her blonde hair. I press a kiss on her forehead.
“The football team had a game they played. It was called the Nude York Stock Exchange. Any nudes they got sent were transferred into a phone for them to pass around. By my junior year, I started to develop boobs and more feminine curves, and they placed a bet to see who could get me naked so they could know what was in my pants, but they weren’t supposed to sleep with me.”
Which meant he took non-consensual nudes of Sally and spread them around to his effing friends.
“Please tell me they all got expelled.”
She shakes her head, turning more into my body, and presses her head into my neck. Her voice vibrates into my skin. “They were on the football team, and they couldn’t afford to expel half the team. Somehow, the school found out about the phone, but it was long gone before anyone got in trouble.”
They got away with traumatizing her, and now she thinks the only reason someone would ever consider sleeping with her is if they only want her body.
“That’s why I slept with those men. Because he took so much of me. I wanted to get rid of that hurt… I wanted to be loved.” She sobs. “God, I’m pathetic, clinging to a moment of fake feelings.”
“Don’t you ever say that about yourself,” I bite out, squeezing my arms around her. “Sally, you aren’t pathetic for wanting something the world has denied you since birth.”
“I don’t know what to do. I feel like nothing I do will matter. I’ll continue this cycle of hatred and longing. I feel so broken.”
“You aren’t broken,” I say firmly. “You are strong. It breaks my heart to hear you talk like that.” Heat and wetness swell in my eyes, but I refuse to let the tears fall. Tonight is all about her.
She lets go, fully breaking down in my arms. The silent house from a moment ago is now filled with her painful sobs.
The crackling of the coffee pot fills the morning air with a delicious aroma. Being in this house again is weird, and what’s even weirder is I remember so much of it. The Gordons really never changed. The house feels so similar but so different at the same time.
The difference just happens to be the four strangers sleeping here. Though, they barely feel like strangers anymore. Jaxon took Leon under his wing, and he might be dating Ella. I can’t really read their relationship because she scowls at him half the time they are together. Then you have Mimi, who still keeps mostly to herself. I’ve only seen her really in passing. The few times I was here to help repair the house, she was already on her way out.
Speaking of the devil, Mimi walks into the room, looking like she’s ready to write the next best-selling novel. She’s wearing light-wash jeans, brown boot heels, and a white tee. She must not have been expecting anyone because the minute her eyes landed on me, she halted.
Half a beat later, her eyes trail down to my chest which I realize is still exposed because Sally has my shirt, and I’ll be dead before I take that away from her. That means I’m currently in her kitchen in just my jeans from last night.
