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Now I’m left staring at the ceiling with the stupid fucking basketball hoop my birth dad put up. The white strings look brand new except for the layer of dust that discolors them. Not a single ball has passed through them, not even when Oliver would sneak in here through the sliding door. Now, those memories feel dirty with my lies.
I scrunch my face, turning on my side, which makes everything worse because now I’m staring at the little shelf holding what few memories I made. All the picture frames are still turned down. That was the little bit of solace I could give myself while being in this room. Turning them away from me meant I wouldn’t break every single frame that held false happiness. It stopped me, but it didn’t erase the sickness in my stomach. The anxiety at every creak in this rustic house.
My eyes dance around the room, not able to stay in the same spot for too long. They make their way to the sliding glass, vacant of any curtain shielding my room from the outside. I didn’t want anything to prevent Oliver from knocking on my door.
My stomach lurches again, forcing me to sit up as the image of Oliver’s twisted up face comes to the front of my mind.
I get out of bed, feeling the ick running through my body. Being in this house isn’t helping me. I walk out of the room, the house groaning as I walk through the hall to the living room.
As I come into the open space, I notice Ella walking into the room at the same time. My eyes lower to the dark blue t-shirt that I have never seen her wear and a silk purple bandana pulling her curls out of her face. She usually just wears shorts and a sleep top—definitely not a guy’s shirt that drapes down to her mid-thigh.
My eyebrow raises.
“Don’t give me that look.” She rolls her eyes. “What are you doing up?”
“What about you?” I say with a bit more bite than intended.
“Whatever, I’m going back to bed.” Ella turns back around.
“Wait.” I sigh. “Sorry, I’m just on edge from tonight.”
“I can tell,” she says dryly before facing me again. “But so am I. Mimi has been apologizing nonstop since I told her what happened, so be prepared for that tomorrow.”
I chuckle softly at the image of Mimi when she apologizes because the girl is a crier, which isn’t bad, but it doesn’t stop even if we are in public.
“I just came in here to check up on Leon and…” She stops, but I’m pretty sure I know who she was about to say. I mean, she’s wearing his shirt right now.
“Ella, I’m sorry.” I bite my bottom lip. “I shouldn’t have thrown your relationships in your face.”
“It definitely hurt my pride a little.” Her lip twitches. “I shouldn’t have said anything either.”
“Those trips are so stupid, but I didn’t know what else to do.” I deleted the app before even starting this trip. I said it was because I had more important things to be doing, but really it was fear. Fear that someone in town would recognize me. “They were pretty dangerous.”
Ella’s face fills with a grin, bright like the sun. “You fucking think? Why else did you think I stayed up instead of getting my beauty sleep? I just wish you told me about them.”
My eyes widen, not realizing she stayed up waiting each time. “I didn’t want to worry you.”
“After last year, of course, I worry about you.”
Another knife in the chest filled with another lie. I don’t want Ella to know what I actually went through. She just knew I was talking to a guy, and he broke my heart. It’s true. He did break my heart, but he also broke so much more.
Is that why I’m obsessed with keeping Oliver in my life? Not because he saved me, but because I’m using him like all those other men?
I look over the couch, seeing Leon sound asleep with a blanket pulled over him, and then Jaxon, shirtless now because of Ella, with his back against the side of the couch.
I smile. Jaxon was so soft with my little brother. Truthfully, the blond kind of scared me when I first saw him. He has a gruff, dangerous exterior that reminds me of Lotte, but he helped Leon without hesitation.
“I approve,” I say, catching Ella off guard. “He’s a good guy.”
Ella’s normal confidence flees her face as she looks down. “I like him a lot more than I thought I would.”
“Is he a good kisser?” The question causes what little confidence she was maintaining to steam off as her face heats.
“It will do.” She plays it off as I walk over and pull her into a hug.
I smirk at Ella. She raises her brow at me. “What?”
“Nothing,” I say quickly, looking away with a small smile tugging on my lips as I back away from her.
