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Pulling up my big girl panties, I get out of the SUV and make my way inside the shop. Irish, Rage, and Blade are standing in the front by my desk when I walk up to them. They immediately stop talking when they notice me and I realize they were probably talking about club business. Or something else I’m not supposed to know about. I’ve gotten used to conversations being stopped in an instant when one of us shows up for any reason. In the beginning I used to take it personally, now I just let it roll off my back.
“Sorry guys. I’ll go in the back so you can keep talking,” I say, setting my purse on the desk before turning my back to them.
“It’s okay Reagan. How are you doin’?” Rage asks, leaning against the counter.
“I’m okay.”
“Got a stack of mail here,” Blade says, looking at me with questions in his eyes. “Your parents don’t know about this, do they?”
“No. I’d like to keep it that way too please,” I mutter, reaching out to take the mail from him.
“Can’t make any promises,” he answers, folding his arms across his chest as he stares me down.
Nodding my head, I take my mail in the back and start the coffee. While I’m waiting, I rip into the envelopes determining my future. The first two letters are acceptances into the schools I genuinely want to attend. They’re my first choices so I don’t even bother to read the rest of the letters. Now, the only decision I need to make is which school I’m going to pick out of these two.
Irish walks in the back room and sits down on the couch in here. He’s got something on his mind and I know it’s just a matter of time before he lets me have it. None of them will let me keep this secret from my family for very long. They’ll probably all say I’m wrong for keeping it or doing anything like this to begin with. While they can all talk about anything and everything, I don’t feel as if I can. No one listens to me because I’m supposed to be held back because of my seizures. I’m not supposed to have a future with anything other than appointments, tests, and living in a fucking bubble.
“Happy birthday, honey,” Irish finally says, keeping his eyes glued to the papers sitting on the table next to him.
“Thank you, Uncle Irish,” I answer, not sure what to do in this situation.
“Which one you goin’ to?” he questions, leaning forward to look through the stack of letters on the table.
“Not sure yet. But it will be one of those.”
Irish picks the papers up and looks at the schools I’m deciding between. He reads over the letters before setting them back on the table and turning his attention toward me. Sometimes, he sees more of me than I want him to. He’s a lot like Tank when it comes to me. I think Irish might be the only one I could talk to and he’d understand where I’m coming from. It doesn’t mean he’d start treating me any different, but at least he’d listen to what I have to say.
“You know they’re overprotective of you because they love you. If they didn’t care, they would let you do whatever the fuck you want. We’re all worried somethin’ is gonna happen and you’re gonna go back to havin’ seizures. None of us want to see you suffer like that, honey. Don’t let it get to you and get under your skin,” he says, a concerned smile on his face as he tries to get a handle on what I’m feeling right now.
“None of you understand what it’s like though. You don’t know what it’s like to not be able to date or live a normal life. I figured it was gonna be hard having Cage and Joker as my dads. But, I never once thought it’d be like this. I’m the oldest kid here and I’m not even a kid anymore. Yet, I’m treated like I’m still two-years-old. How would that make you feel? To know that your siblings and cousins are living their best lives and you’re stuck in a rut because of your medical past?” I ask, letting the lone tear silently fall down my cheek.
“I get it. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend to know what you’re dealin’ with. I have no clue. None of us do. What I will do is tell you if you sit down and talk to your parents about goin’ away to college, they’ll listen to what you have to say,” Irish says, standing up and wrapping me in his arms.
The second tear escapes and I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop them once they start. So, I bite the inside of my cheek to stop the traitorous tears from falling as I pull away from my uncle. Shooing him out the door, I get my cup of coffee and head back out to the desk so I can get to work. I need to check the schedule and put in an order before I can relax and work on my drawings.
I’m designing a tattoo for myself. It’s a Phoenix lit on fire. I can’t get it just right though. So, I keep starting over and comparing the drawings next to one another. There’s ten drawings thus far. Each one is different in their own right and not exactly what I’m looking for. That’s my one downfall right now when it comes to designing my own tattoos. Nothing seems right. There’s always something missing from the design and what I truly want is hidden in the depths of my mind, I just can’t pull it forward to get down on paper.
Once I have the schedule printed out for everyone and I’ve placed the order for supplies, my day seems to fly by. Every time the door opens, I look up expecting to see my mom and dads coming to pick the SUV up. It’s never them though. So, I work on my drawing while I wait for a customer to come in and need help.
Other than a few ‘Happy birthday’s’ from my co-workers, no one even bothers me. They all come out and get their client and then walk them back out to me when they’re done. The only communication we have is them letting me know how much to charge and if the client needs to come back in. It’s been very surreal not being shown the birthday love we all usually get. While I hurt, I also don’t know how to feel about this shit.
As soon as I’m done for the day and Juliet has come in to replace me, I quickly scoop up the acceptance letters I want and make my way out of the shop. Pulling out my phone, I check to see if I have any missed calls or messages only to find nothing there. Disappointment ricochets through me. Again. It seems as if today is truly like any other day in my life. Filled with disappointment and loneliness.
I miss my brother and I’m tempted to call him. But, I don’t want to bother him in his new life. So, I head home planning to grab my ice cream out of the freezer and hide out in my room for the night. Well, until I get a message to bring the SUV to the clubhouse for Mom. Or maybe I’ll just drive it over to the clubhouse now and then walk across the field to get home. It’s a nice day out and I might enjoy being out in the sunshine and fresh air before I hide in my room for the rest of the day and night. I can lock my door and not come out for any reason. I don’t need anything more than my ice cream, movies, and my comfy blankets to keep me company.
As soon as I pull in the lot, I notice all the bikes and cars in the parking lot. It’s hectic here today. I don’t give it another thought as I park among the vehicles on the side of the parking lot and make my way inside. I’ll drop the keys off and head home. My Holy Cow ice cream is calling my name along with my blankets, bed, and movies I can cry to. At least then I can pretend not to be crying for everything else going on in my life.
Pulling the door open, I almost fall on my ass at the shouting. “Happy birthday!”
Startled, I look up at my entire family filling the common room of the clubhouse. Standing front and center is my brother Jameson. I run to him and wrap myself around him. There’s not a single fuck given about what anyone thinks right now. He’s here with me and it’s been so long since I’ve seen him. Hell, it’s been a long time since I’ve talked to my twin. The one person I always thought I could count on and now I feel some type of way about contacting him at all if he’s not the one to call or send me a message.
“How are you, baby sister?” he asks as I push my face into his neck and let a few tears slide from my eyes.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I murmur, letting the tears fall and soak his collar.
“Missed you too,” he says, holding me close as we take this moment just for us.
For a minute, no one separates us. They let us have our moment until someone clears their throat. Jameson pulls back and a smile lights up his face. A man I’ve never seen before is standing next to him.
