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Unsettling.
I hold up the ball, focusing on the pyramid of cups in front of him as I hold my breath and throw.
Again, it sinks right into the front cup.
Brick raises his own cup. “Delta Xi!” he shouts, triggering the crowd to throw up theirs, too.
“Delta Xi!” they repeat.
Seth and I don’t budge. He picks up the ball and shifts his feet, getting into position to take his turn.
He throws it. It sinks into a cup in my second row.
Seth smirks even deeper.
“Delta Xi!” Brick shouts again.
Everyone raises their cups and chants it all again.
Seth and I snatch our cups off the table, keeping harsh eye contact as we angrily chug the contents. I refuse to blink, feeling a childish pettiness as we inadvertently turn this into a dumb staring contest.
Brick leans forward into our eyelines. “Delta Xi?” he says, the inflection meant to force a response.
“Delta Xi,” Seth and I mutter together.
I understand what Brick’s intentions are here. This is Alpha Delta Xi. There are no losers in this house. Everybody wins. We’re all equals. We’re all helpless alone but powerful together. We’re all friends here. No matter what.
“Go on,” Seth says, waving at the table. “Your turn.”
I pick up the ball. I stare at it in my fingers, rolling it repeatedly around the pad of my thumb.
I flick it out, barely aiming, and it misses the cups by several inches.
Seth scoffs as he holds up his ball, aims, and easily fires it right into one of my cups.
Brick signals the house again with another round of “Delta Xi!”
“Come on, man,” Seth scolds me. “You’re not even trying.”
I pick up my cup. “Why bother? Nobody loses, right? You win. I win. Everybody wins, but...” I shake my head. “Do you feel like a winner, Seth? I sure as shit don’t. Heidi probably doesn’t, either.”
Seth bristles at the mention of her name, but he doesn’t say a word. He looks away, abandoning the impromptu staring contest to pout instead.
Brick raises his cup in one last effort to bring us back. “Delta. Xi.”
The room repeats it, but the enthusiasm just isn’t there.
“Yeah,” I say as I raise my cup. “Delta Xi.” I chug it down, crush it in my hand, and drop it on the table. “I’m out of here.”
I walk away from the table.
“That’s right, go!” Seth shouts after me. “Quit! That’s what you do, right? You quitter!”
I ignore the jabs as I leave the house. I’ve been beaten up enough for one night.
I take a walk through campus, making random, wild turns to end up wherever the hell I end up.
It doesn’t surprise me when I find myself standing on the sidewalk in front of Heidi and Jenna’s house on Shanty Row. This was where I’d always planned to end up before all the shit hit the fan. I’d work my ID shift at the Delta Xi party, then I’d come and knock on her door. She’d open it with a smile and kiss me hello. I’d throw her over my shoulder, and she’d laugh as I carried her to her bedroom and there we’d stay until sunrise.
