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Finding a test is easy enough, and I bring it to the clerk at the counter where the issue of not freaking the fuck out at them presents itself.
Someone is in front of me in line, and I stand there clutching the Clearblue box in my hands. The guy is buying a lottery ticket, several apparently, and has a very specific way of choosing.
“No, not that one. Yeah, that one down there. Pull out the roll if you need to.”
The woman behind the counter is thoroughly annoyed with him, and I start to bounce on my feet as the minutes tick by.
“Forty-two ninety-five with your gas.”
Lottery guy pulls out three twenties and then points behind the counter.
“Oh, and let me get some of them Red’s, too.”
With a sigh, the clerk grabs the man’s cigarettes and adds them to his order. He finally pays, and I step up to the counter, setting down my single item.
The clerk, a woman probably in her fifties, looks down at the thing and then back up at me.
“This all, honey?”
I try to smile. “Yup. That’s it.”
“You have any gas outside?”
I shake my head. “Nope. Just this.”
“Rewards?”
I furrow my brow, trying to understand what she’s asking.
“Do you have a rewards card?”
“Oh, no. I don’t.”
“Alright, then. Eighteen ninety-eight.”
A bit nonplussed, I look down at the Clearblue test box on the counter. There are apparently two in there, and they cost nearly twenty dollars.
Twenty bucks, really?
I put my card in the chip reader. I’m sure I’m reading into things, but all I see on the woman’s face is judgment.
The machine buzzes at me, telling me I can take my debit card out now, and I jump ever so slightly. I jam my card back in my wallet and take the small plastic bag from the clerk.
As I turn around, I look for the restroom sign and head for it at the back of the store. I know going straight to the stalls is a bad look, but at this point, I’m too nervous to care.
I now have a digital readout test, and as I pull it out, I go over the instructions. I’ve never taken one of these things before, and apparently, it’s not quite as simple as peeing on a stick.
I have to be sure to pee on the whole tab and then lay the thing on a flat surface somewhere while I wait.
Looking around for somewhere to put it, I choose the top of the small silver trash can. I rip open the packaging and take off the protective cap, placing it on the same trash can lid so I can put it back on afterward.
I get pee on my hand as I tremble while holding it under me, and I quickly wipe it off with some toilet paper. Returning the cap to the test, I lay it down flat and flush the toilet.
“Now, I wait.”
I watch the two minutes tick by on my phone as I stay seated on the toilet. My butt starts to hurt, and I decide it’s safe to stand.
Nervously dropping my phone to the floor with a loud clatter, the two minutes have passed. I’m shaking, and when I reach for the test, I fumble it between my hands, and it lands in the toilet bowl.
