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MAHALIA
What an asshole!
I kick a stone along the path back to my dorm, frustration bubbling within me like a volatile cauldron. Today has been yet another installment in the never-ending saga of my bad luck with men. All the men in my life are absolute douchebags.
Maybe there’s something about me in that. Maybe my choices have led me to be surrounded by such shitty men. Who the hell knows?
Professor Maddox Thompson, the man who has become the bane of my existence, looms large in my thoughts. He’s undoubtedly an asshole, but if I’m being brutally honest with myself, I can’t entirely lay the blame at his feet. I suppose he is right about a lot of things, I do need to find balance in my life. I would love to be able to put more effort into my studies. I know I seem like I just don’t care about classes, but that’s only half the truth.
I do care. I care about everything way too much. I might only be in college at the moment because of my parents. My father insisting that I need an education or I won’t get anywhere in life, even if academia isn’t really for me. But that isn’t why I don’t put my all in.
The other men in my life make it challenging for me to focus on anything properly. And because I do care so much, I can’t strike up a balance in my life. I don’t know how.
I unlock the door to my dorm room and step inside, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over me. The cramped space serves as a stark reminder of the life I’ve been basically forced into, and the challenges that I can’t escape. My textbooks and class notes are strewn haphazardly across the desk, and the floor is messy because I just don’t have enough space.
As I rummage through my meager wardrobe, searching for something suitable to wear to my job at the campus café, I can’t help but reflect on the series of unfortunate events that have brought me to this point. The mistakes, the regrets, the secrets that I would rather forget… All of it is crushing. I can hardly breathe when I let this overwhelm me like this.
Vaughn Davies.
He’s the man who haunts me the most. The ghost of my biggest mistake, who actually makes my heart ache when I think about him. Leaving the one person I have ever really loved at the altar seemed like the right move at the time. But ever since that day, there has been a hole in my chest that I don’t know will ever leave me.
To make matters worse, I find myself entangled in a web of blackmail orchestrated by his best friend, Lars Vessey, who also happens to be my coworker at the café. So, I can never escape him. It’s a situation that adds an extra layer of complexity to my already chaotic life, and it feels like I’m drowning in a sea of my own poor choices. Trying to keep things smooth with Lars makes it hard for me to keep on top of what I need to do.
As I hastily apply makeup to mask the dark circles under my eyes, I can’t help but wonder how I ended up here. In this mess. Arguing with my professor because of my own bad choices. I glance at my reflection in the mirror, a young woman with a troubled past and a future that seems uncertain at best. But as I lock eyes with myself, a spark of determination flares within me. I may have made mistakes, but I refuse to let them define me.
You have made it this far, I remind myself as the tidal wave of pain threatens to wash over me, knocking me off my feet completely. You can keep on going. You have to.
If I let this crush me, then I will never get back on my feet. I will never recover, and I don’t want that. If I have made it this far, then I need to keep on going. Forward is the only way.
Hell, if there’s one thing I’ve managed to do right in my life, it’s sticking with those self-defense classes. The thought brings a wicked smile to my face as I imagine a day when I can put all that training to good use and beat up all the stupid men who have caused chaos in my life. One sweet, sweet day.
Not yet, of course. But if the time comes, I can.
Not Vaughn, of course. He’s actually an amazing man. I don’t really want to beat him up. He’s kind to a fault, and I would rather kiss him than hurt him. But I don’t know if the same can be said for the other way around. Lars has made it very clear that I really hurt Vaughn and that our supposed wedding day is the worst thing that could ever happen to him. So, I doubt he will ever want to see me again. It’s a real shame…
I let out a sigh as I walk briskly down the sidewalk, my steps determined and my mind set on leaving the memories of Vaughn behind before I get in to work. The rhythmic pounding of my feet on the pavement serves as a release, a way to channel my frustrations and clear my mind.
As the café comes into view, I take a deep breath and prepare to immerse myself in the world of coffee, customers, and the daily grind. It’s a familiar routine, one that provides a semblance of stability in my otherwise chaotic life. And who knows, maybe today it will bring some respite from the anger my asshole professor has caused me. I need some reason to smile, and right now I’m struggling to find it, that’s for sure.
I reach the café, and there he is, Lars, leaning casually against the entrance. His smirk widens as he spots me approaching, and I can’t help but roll my eyes. He’s well aware of the predicament he’s put me in, and he revels in it. I can see how much he loves it. It’s so annoying.
“Mahalia, my favorite coworker,” he greets me with a sly grin.
“Cut the crap, Lars,” I reply tersely. “I’m just trying to get to work.”
Lars feigns innocence but doesn’t bother to deny it. “But I think there’s something you owe me, right?” He cocks his head to one side, pretending to act all curious. “Just looking out for my best friend, Vaughn. You understand, don’t you?”
I clench my fists, resisting the urge to give him a piece of my mind. Instead, I force a strained smile. “Of course, Lars. But you’re making my life a living hell in the process.”
He chuckles, and it grates on my nerves. “It’s all part of the game, Mahalia. Besides, you’ve been doing a stellar job on those assignments. Vaughn would be proud.”
I roll my eyes and hand him the assignment I’ve been working on for him, ignoring my own needs in the process. If only Maddox could see this. Then maybe he’d go easier on me.
“Hmm, the writing is a bit scruffy here,” Lars muses, playing his usual bull shit game, which always winds me up. “But I suppose it will have to do.”
“You could always do it yourself,” I snap back. “You don’t need me.”
“Oh, but if I did this work myself, then it would leave you out of the loop, wouldn’t it?” he teases playfully. “Don’t you want to know how Vaughn is doing?”
