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She gave Hugo a worried look that neither of us missed.
“Yes, Dr. Swartz. Hugo, here, is my boyfriend, and everything that happened between us was completely consensual. Please drop it.” By the end of my sentence, my voice was cold as ice. The sole insinuation that Hugo would put me in any danger was making me burn up with anger. “Umm, I know my family is here, but would you mind telling them to give us a second.”
“Ok, Catherinelle. I will keep you a couple more hours for observation, and I will be back to talk about a few measures to practice safe sex before you leave.”
“Umm, there’s no need for that. We got it.”
“Do you now?”
“Yeah, I’ll talk to my doctor.”
“Make sure you discuss proper contraception,” she said and wrote something down in my chart. “And no sexual contact for the next three to six weeks. No stimulus for three weeks, and I would recommend a consult, and if after that, you feel any kind of discomfort,” she stopped and looked at Hugo with daggers in her eyes, “stop!”
For the first time since Dr. Swartz walked in the room, Hugo answered her.
“That won’t be a problem. Nobody will touch her for at least the next two months.”
Pleased with the answer, the doctor walked out to allow us – finally – to talk alone.
“Umm, two months is more than six weeks, Monster.”
“I don’t care, Cat.” He exhaled, exhausted. “How do you feel, baby girl? No bullshit.”
“I’m shaken, but I’m ok.”
“Did you know you were pregnant?”
A guilty shiver crossed my body.
“I started suspecting it after Christmas.” His eyes grew like an owl’s. “I never confirmed it, but I had all the symptoms.”
“Is that when it happened? On Christmas?”
“No, I felt lousy before that. I have no idea when. You had a condom most of the times, but then, when we get lost in each other…” It was no one’s fault. Our need for each other was terrifyingly strong sometimes.
“Ok. Why didn’t you talk to me, baby girl? I feel like shit for letting you pull through this alone. You needed me, and I was so fucking useless.”
“I needed time to accept the idea myself and then when I wanted to tell you, well, Gino broke down your door.”
“He sure did. I don’t know what to do, Cat. I don’t know how to help you. You seem fine, but are you?” He put his hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. “You’ve just lost a baby. Our baby. I love you too much to let this eat you from the inside.”
I inhaled deeply and felt tears coming.
“I know you do, Monster. I love you too.” I didn’t wanna hurt him. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Cat, stop talking shit. You have absolutely nothing to feel sorry about.”
“I didn’t want to keep it,” I whispered, hating myself a little bit. “I decided before the miscarriage that I would terminate. I wanted to kill our baby.”
When I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I let the sobs free, and Hugo pulled me into his arms protectively.
“Shh, Cat, it’s alright. Baby, I would have supported your decision, no matter what.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Hell no, baby girl. Do I look ready to be a father to you? I’d scare the shit out of a baby. I mean, look at me.”
I did, and he was my beautiful, brutal man. I wished that for one moment, he could see himself through my eyes.
