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28
God, if you’re really out there, if you’re my friend in any way, just send me to hell and put me out of my misery.
Catherinelle made the impossible; she made me pray. And she made time stay still. Light went away and came back at dawn, but it didn’t feel like anything. I hadn’t moved since she walked out the door.
I watched my very soul following her while Gino was dragging her out into the stairway. She was everything, so when she was gone, there was nothing left.
After Roman, Gino and Cat disappeared out the door, I just slid down on the floor and leaned against the pillar in the center of my house. I hadn’t been able to move since. I didn’t know how she snuck up on me like that, but she was in my blood for good. I was…in love. I was a man in love, or at least I thought I was. I’d heard people talking about love, and they made it sound manageable. This wasn’t. There was no life without Catherinelle in it; there was no second chance. Gino was right. I had signed my own death sentence but not the way he thought. The bullet in his gun meant nothing to me, but he took her away, and that was a million times worse.
I knew better than Cat. I could bet my left arm she was in her bed, waiting for things to calm down so she could go to Gino and pretty please him into letting her come to me. Hogwash. My offence to the boss would not be washed away, no matter how much she begged with her beautiful blue eyes. My days were over, and the only thing to put my heart at ease was that the last time I saw her, an I love you formed on her lips.
Jesus. Put my heart at ease? I didn’t even know my heart still worked, let alone that it could be bruised. Fuck! Fuck everything. I just wanted this real life night terror to be over. My gun was crying my name from a few feet away where Catherinelle dropped it, and if I knew she’d not do anything crazy, I’d have just painted the walls with my brains and got it over with. Gino was right; it was the least I could do. I was sick to my stomach because of what I did to him. The look in his eyes was not just anger; it was betrayal. Every word he said was right on the money. I was nothing, a dog, a slave, a man that wasn’t worthy to breathe the same air as his sister, let alone touch her.
I’ll never see her again.
The thought snuck up on me like a bullet in the back of my head. What the fuck was I going to do if he decided to let me live? I couldn’t take myself out because I made a silent oath to Catherinelle, and I was done making her feel like shit, but living? That would mean walking on an earth where she’d move on with her life.
“God, I love her so fucking much,” I whispered to the nothingness around me and squeezed my eyes shut.
“I never thought I’d live to hear you say that,” the nothingness answered back, except the voice belonged to my brother. He was standing tall in the door that he broke the other night, that was still hanging by one hinge, with his hands in his pockets.
“Are you here to finish the job, fratello?”
“Don’t fucking call me that.” Fair. “Ever again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why the fuck do you sound like a crow died in your throat?”
“I haven’t moved from this spot since you left. I guess I’m a little thirsty. You didn’t answer my question.”
“If I was here to kill you, I wouldn’t have given you a warning. You don’t deserve one, Mustafa.” I just nodded, agreeing with him. “Why didn’t you tell me about Cat? I could have handled her more carefully. I could have…I don’t even know.”
He was not angry anymore, that was for sure, but something was still boiling under his skin. I could sense it. Maybe it was hatred or just plain disgust.
“How the fuck was I supposed to come to you and admit that? I didn’t want it to happen, boss. She’s your sister, God damnit!”
Suddenly, he turned and hit a wall with his fist full force, making a crack show up. I was supposed to be at the receiving end of that punch.
“And you were supposed to be my fucking brother, Hugo! I trusted you with my life. Fuck, I trusted you with her life. My baby sister! Hugo, you know better than anyone, even than Roman, that she never had a father. Not one to give a shit about her, anyway. She was in my…in our care, and you took advantage of that. You should have said something. Now Cat is paying the price.”
That last part made my alarms go nuts, but I took a deep breath, reminding myself that Gino would never hurt his sister. Not physically, anyway, because if there was one thing in this world to make me cross that last line and break my blood oath, it would have been Cat’s safety. I’d kill anyone for her.
“I would give my life for her in a second. She’s…I watched her grow up. I don’t know when, but she did, and she’s so fucking amazing, man. So, before you send someone in to off me, or kick me out of your turf, let me say something.”
“Speak.”
“It happened last year. The first time I looked at her and saw a woman staring back. A few weeks after her birthday, we were at a barbeque, and she had on a tight blue dress. The way that dress made her look, man, I…I hated myself for thinking about Cat like that. I wanted to cut my balls off. Gino, I did everything. I treated her like crap, hoping it would keep her away. I started chasing women harder than I ever had before. I found the twins, thinking nothing could be hotter than that, but it didn’t work. She haunted me.” My eyes were sore, and my lungs were burning up. “When she started…when she became bold and initiated something between us, the only thing I had left to stop myself was to put a knife in my chest. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
Gino took his sweet time before saying anything.
“When did you start?”
“Freddy’s daughter’s birthday. When you were out of the country.” He didn’t have to know about anything that happened before. Or after or in between, for that matter.
“Were you ever going to come to me, you piece of shit?!” his voice boomed into the room, but I didn’t flinch. Nothing I’d never seen before.
“If it was up to me, I would have taken it to the grave, but things changed before Christmas. I love her, boss. I hate myself for betraying you, more than you could ever understand, brother, but I was getting ready to come clean because I had to be sure I did everything in my power to end up with her. She’s the end of my life, man.”
