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"Oh, come on, Rita, we're both women," she said with a wink.
"Nice try, turn around. I'm done having sex with random people in Chicago." Jessica turned on her heels and burst out in a joyful laugh, and I was grateful for it. I needed some happiness around me right now, or I might end up on suicide watch.
"You decent?"
"Si." I said after I tightened the knot to the bathrobe.
"Wendy set up the other bedroom for you and picked out some of her clothes. You can go straight to sleep if you want, or we can go downstairs, sip some wine...or some tequila."
I mean, what the hell could go wrong? I nodded and shrugged. Maybe the haze that could be found in a bottle of Don Julio was exactly what I needed.
"Don't you guys have to work tomorrow?"
"Nope. Chief Sadin gave everyone from the inner circle a day off to recover after the wedding."
"She sounds like a nice lady."
"Ha! She's a titan. She was at the wedding. Too bad you bolted before meeting her."
Not by choice.
"What did you say about tequila?"
"Yay, shots! Maybe we'll get wasted and make out. I can be your rebound."
"You already let the world know you're a softie inside and pussy whipped, so you can stop with this macho charade," I said, amused, and hit her in the shoulder.
We walked to the living room, and we could both hear Wendy in the kitchen mumbling some words into the phone. It took a split second to know who was at the other end of the call.
"Yes, she's here safe and sound...no...no...listen, maybe we should all sleep on it...no, I'm just telling you what she said...Rita doesn't wanna see you...Jesus, no...Listen to me, you big moron; she's exhausted, scared, crazy mad, and you don't want to be on the receiving end of all that emotion...ugh, don't you hear what I'm saying?...Let me make it clear for you: James, I love you, but if you come here, I will let Jess chase you away with a broom...aha...aha...we will...aha...ok, now drop the phone, and go check on Chelsea. I can hear her crying in the background."
The last part shot arrows into my heart, and I had to stop myself from jumping up and running back to find my baby. Thinking about her being sad contorted my heart in the most painful way.
Drowning in angst, I looked up at Jessica, and the merciful look on her face was too much to take. Tears started to gather again, but this time, I was ready to fight back. I took the tequila bottle and swing it back so hard, it was enough to freeze my hurt in time.
Chelsea took the pacifier out and threw it across the room with another vicious scream. She was tired; she was cranky and honestly, I felt the same.
"I know. Baby girl, I know! I'd rather have Rita here too." I took my girl in my arms and inhaled that sweet baby smell. She was the only reason I was able to keep my shit together right then.
She's gone; she left.
I should have been used to having women walk out of my life by now. When Avery disappeared into the night and left our daughter with the babysitter, I was crushed under a mountain of emotion, but the most distinct one was anger. I was angry at her for having the audacity to put something - anything - above Chelsea's happiness. I was mad. I was scared to raise this baby right all by myself. I was displeased with the ugly turn my life had taken, but this? I had never felt like this before.
I was floating through clouds of sorrow and fear, worry, and the bitter taste of absence. The house was fucking hollow without Rita to fill the space with her loud giggles and radiant presence.
The only consolation I had was that I knew Wendy and Jessica would keep her safe, at least for tonight. I knew where she was and where she would lay her head down; at least I didn’t have to worry about that. I told Wendy very loud and clear, Rita should not leave Chicago. No matter what she thought or what she was saying, they needed to keep her here. I would not let her go back to that place that broke her, and I didn’t give a fuck who waited for her.
Two hours later, Chelsea was finally down, and I could take a step back. How the fuck would I recover from this? I couldn’t watch the woman I loved walk away from me and survive.
Filling a crystal glass with the strongest whiskey I had on the shelves, I was thinking about how the tables turned on me: could anyone believe that today Zach gave me good advice? How many times did I tell him to listen to me to avoid disaster...and he never did. Today, we switched places.
...If only I'd had a chance to act on his advice.
I had no chance of catching any sleep tonight, so I just sat on the couch tasting the whiskey slowly, not enough to get me drunk, but just to make it easier to digest it all.
I couldn’t keep up with all the thoughts that crossed my mind or all the questions, and I was not even sure I wanted to, so I just stayed here motionless, not ready to give up, but aware of how powerless I was.
She loved me; she loved us. I knew she did, but what was that good for anymore? This question echoed in my head for the rest of the night, and when the sun was back in the sky, I knew it was time to give up on the whisky and fetch myself a tea. Fuck it, I'd have one of Rita's heart attack Cuban espressos just to have the house smell like she was still here.
