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“And dying…” he groaned, looking at Elana. “Kitten, I adore you, but even if you wanted to do the deed tonight, it would be a hard ‘no’ because I might pop like a water balloon – and do you know how utterly sad that makes me to say that aloud?”
He saw Elana give him a sloe-eyed sideways look – and his eyes widened.
“Really?” he balked.
“What a shame…” she breathed.
“B.R.B. ladies… two-finger salute coming!”
“What’s a…” Elana began, and Eileen stood up quickly, leaning over the table and shoving down on his shoulders with both hands.
“He’s joking,” Eileen said flatly, and Max sighed. “He was going to go purge and…” Elana turned and slapped him on the arm.
“Don’t do that on purpose! Sheesh! What’s wrong with you?! I had to do counseling for years and…”
Max hesitated and stared at her, realization hitting them both what she just said and had admitted to. Elana used to purge? She was bulimic? Her eyes widened in horror, and she looked away. He reached out and touched her hand, picking it up and taking it in his, needing to comfort her.
“Why? You’re beautiful. I mean, women would pay to have what you have. Seriously. Those curves, that body…”
And she looked at him, her eyes watering and full of pain.
“It took me a long time to learn that – and realizing that I could be smart if I wasn’t what society deemed to be beautiful.”
“What…?” he whispered, chuckling nervously. “You’re gorgeous.”
“You sure didn’t think so when I was younger.”
And Max froze.
His eyelid twitched painfully as his brain glitched in his head like a television station losing its signal, putting it all together. She’d suffered silently from bulimia – and he’d called her ‘Elana the Pole’ to her face several times in high school, adding or causing her problems.
He made a noise in his throat, releasing her hand and suddenly clawing at it as his anxiety spiked; combined with the chili, all threatened to come back… yet he wasn’t going to give in because she was sitting right there – and had suffered for years because of him.
“I think I’m gonna be sick…” he whispered tearfully, feeling broken deep down in his soul.
“Max,” Elana said quietly, looking at him. “You couldn’t have known – and it was before that whole nickname started. It’s not your fault. It just didn’t help things. That was in the past – and I feel much more confident about myself, even speaking at engagements sometimes.”
“If you ever want someone to join you,” Eileen said gently. “Let me know. I’d be happy to help spread awareness.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Elana, kitten, I had no idea,” he breathed, taking her hands in his. “I am so sorry for being such a stupid teenager. I was a freaking idiot and had no idea you were dealing with any of this.”
“You don’t exactly proclaim it to anyone who will listen,” Elana chuckled nervously and winced. He quickly released her hands, realizing he was squeezing them in the midst of his own nightmare. He had flaunted her weight, taunted her, and then asked about her size when they had first started talking. He was shocked that they’d actually even gone on a date – and said as much.
“I can’t believe you went out with me – heck, you married me…”
“Max, relax,” Elana stressed, laying a hand on his shoulder. “I had a lot going on growing up, felt bad about myself, needed attention, had huge self-esteem issues… and started down the wrong path. ‘Elana-the-pole’ was already going to counseling and slowly starting to heal.”
He cursed quietly and put his head down in his hands, trying not to break down as all those moments, all that teasing, was screaming loudly in his head, and she was here? He’d done so many stupid things!
Lifting his head, he looked at her, not bothering to hide his expression or the tears in his eyes at the thought of hurting her feelings.
“I love your body… and I haven’t even gotten to see it yet,” he whispered hoarsely, trying to keep his voice down so he didn’t add to her self-consciousness as Eileen silently got up, leaving them there alone to give them a bit of privacy. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and… and…”
“Max,” she whispered, pressing her forehead to his as she hugged him and leaned close.
“Careful,” he warned… and burped, trying to muffle it – only to hear her laugh. “Gosh, how can you even stand to be near me – or laugh when you are around me?”
