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I shrug like a kid who didn’t get the ice cream they wanted. I got a slew of texts last night and this morning from Jeremy insisting that he hadn’t gone back on his word. Not wanting to deal with them, or him, I finally sent him a message asking for some space. He replied with a terse, “Let me know when you’re ready to talk,” and that was it.
Eventually, I know I’ll have to face up to him and get to the bottom of exactly what happened but right now, I’d rather lick my wounds and drink cocktails.
“I don’t know exactly what happened,” I admit. “But he must have known he was still in the running. They wouldn’t just insist that his department take on a whole new building if he’d said he didn’t want it.”
“You think he withdrew, then went behind your back to negotiate it back?” Dad asks. “From what you’ve said, your town council pretty much does what it wants.”
I chew this over. Honestly, it’s almost impossible to imagine Jeremy being that sneaky, and it is possible to imagine the council being high-handed and arbitrary…
“Damn it, I don’t know,” I grumble. “Maybe. But maybe I didn’t really know him as well as I thought.”
What do I know about real relationships, after all? I’ve kept myself safe by keeping things shallow. Maybe this is exactly the situation I was trying to avoid. The one where I get hurt.
“Possibly.” Dad rubs his chin thoughtfully. “Plenty of people aren’t who they say they are, or who you think they are. Call me crazy, but have you actually talked to him?”
The truth is, I don’t want to talk to him. If he really betrayed me, that will hurt—but at least then he’ll be the bad guy, and I can tell myself that I’m better off without him.
But if he didn’t betray me and I end up leaving Welkins Ridge, then I’m just without him. No better about it.
“I told him I needed some space. Even aside from Jeremy, though,” I continue, “I just don’t see any hope for the library or my job. I need a few weeks away from Welkins Ridge, away from everything, so I can get some perspective.”
“What about North Falls?” Dad asks. “Don’t they have a pretty good library system?”
“Too good,” I tell him. “Not a lot of turnover. Maybe a job would open up eventually, and I could stay close to home, but who knows if and when that would happen.” I look out over the lake as if I could see all the other libraries I’ve applied to. “I think it’s smart to keep my options open for now. I’ll do the interviews and see what happens, and I’ll deal with Jeremy when I get back.”
“I think that’s a good plan,” says Dad, who likes to have a plan in place, even if it’s not a particularly enjoyable one. He swirls the ice in his drink, looking very executive. “All right, what say I take my best girl out for a very expensive dinner?”
* * *
The next three weeks aren’t fun, exactly, but they are kind of cathartic. I get wined and dined by the people I interview with, I spend four full days sightseeing in New Orleans, then a few days between Phoenix and Boulder at the Grand Canyon. Despite Jeremy’s best attempts, I’m still not much of a hiker, but I enjoy the view. I don’t buy much, but I do a lot of window shopping and explore neighborhoods in the cities that could be my future home.
But mostly, I lay out by hotel swimming pools and read to my heart’s content, fielding the occasional email from Trudy or Gigi about something library-related.
I’m actually somewhat disappointed by how little I hear from them. With a pang of self-pity, I wonder if maybe I’m not that necessary to running the place after all.
Several times, I’m on the verge of calling Jeremy or at least texting him, but I never do. I’m scared he’ll admit it, that he’ll say he meant to get the Addison all along, that he wasn’t really into me after all, that I’d have to be crazy to think a guy like him would be into a girl like me for real.
But at heart, I don’t really believe that.
If I’m honest, I’m more scared that he’ll have a logical explanation for what happened and I’ll have to choose between my career and the most amazing guy I’ve ever met.
By the time I reach Phoenix, I have a formal job offer, and by the time I fly back to Chicago, I have three. I spend a couple more days in Chicago with Dad, who dutifully takes me around the sights. He took me to most of them when I was a kid visiting in the summers, so it’s not like they’re new, but there’s a sweet nostalgia about visiting Millenium Park, Navy Pier, the Field Museum, and the Art Institute.
By the time he drives me back to O’Hare, I’m both exhausted and refreshed. Getting out of Welkins Ridge, away from all of it, was the right thing to do. My head is clearer and I’m ready to face what happened, both with the library and with Jeremy.
But I’m not looking forward to it.
Dad deftly maneuvers his Mercedes up to the departures sidewalk, turns off the car, and unbuckles his seatbelt.
I unbuckle my own. “You don’t need to get out. I can grab my bag.”
He snorts as he climbs out of the car. “You gotta let your old man feel useful once in a while.”
He hauls my suitcase out of the back seat and puts it on the sidewalk between us before pulling me into a big hug. “I’m gonna miss you, sweetheart. Come back again soon, okay?
“I’m going to miss you too, Dad.”
And I will, though mostly what I’m feeling right now is a kind of blank resignation. I’m not sure exactly what’s waiting for me in Welkins Ridge, but unless the town council suddenly decides to release a quarter million dollars in funding for the library, I have some tough decisions to make.
