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“You look like an angel, darling,” says her grandmother, who will be walking her down the aisle.
I’m already starting to get a little choked up. Weddings always get me right in the feels, and this is the first time I’ve been to the wedding of a close friend. I have a tissue tucked into my cleavage if I need it.
The small string quartet at the front of the church begins to play.
“That’s our cue, ladies!” says Lucky, as a hotel worker opens the door for us.
I’m heading down the aisle first. “Good luck!” I whisper to Bailey, then I raise my head, smile brightly, and begin what I hope is a stately walk over the threshold and down the aisle, clutching my bouquet a little tighter than necessary. I’m not overly shy about having eyes on me, but I feel oddly self-conscious, walking in time to the music and knowing that Jeremy is somewhere in the audience. I have to fight the temptation to look around for him.
At the other end of the aisle, Nikko is looking uncharacteristically nervous himself. He gives me a distracted smile as I pass and take my place to his left, but his gaze is beyond me, searching for Bailey.
Trying not to be obvious about it, I sweep my gaze around the garden, looking for Jeremy. He wouldn’t have changed his mind, would he? What if there was some kind of emergency? My phone is stashed in my purse in one of the hotel rooms, so if there was, I wouldn’t know about it.
First Lucky then Joyce join me, and there’s a moment of silence before the quartet begins to play the Wedding March. There’s a quiet rustle as all the guests stand, then Bailey appears at the door, arm in arm with her grandmother.
Her eyes are locked on Nikko and she looks radiantly, transparently happy. I glance at Nikko, who is literally famous for his temper and arrogance, and watch his expression soften into a look of sheer adoration. I can tell what he’s thinking as clearly as if he’d said it out loud—How did I get this lucky?
Bailey stops just before the altar to kiss her grandmother then she steps up to Nikko, her beautiful face glowing. I’ve never seen two people more in love.
Half-consciously, I look out over the audience for Jeremy again and this time, my gaze is drawn right to him like a magnet. He gives me a huge smile and a quick thumbs-up. Emotion rushes up in my chest, and my heart cracks in two.
Oh, crap. It hits me like a lightning bolt: I’m in love with Jeremy.
This isn’t just lust or fun between the sheets or a temporary good time that I can walk away from without getting hurt.
This is real. I’m in love with him, and I want to see him looking at me the way Nikko is looking at Bailey.
Thank goodness the ceremony starts then and we turn our backs on the audience because that’s when I start to cry.
And when I say cry, I mean cry. Once the tears start, they don’t stop. They pour out of my eyes and I have to choke back sobs. I can’t stop them from falling, and after the first few surreptitious dabs with my tissue, it’s too wet to do any good.
Why the hell didn’t I think to bring more tissues?
Well, because up until now, the most crying I ever did at a wedding was just a few ladylike, ceremony-appropriate tears. This is more like watching The Notebook after having a couple of glasses of wine.
Something nudges my hip. It’s Lucky, passing me another tissue, thank goodness.
But pretty soon, that tissue too is soaked through. I crumple the sodden remains into a ball and try very hard not to make any noise, but the tears keep coming and a soft hiccup gives me away.
Silently, Lucky passes me another. I dab at my eyes and hope that the ceremony will be over soon so I can go get a grip on myself and reapply my makeup.
Beside me, Bailey and Nikko are holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes, and I can’t honestly say if I’m crying because I’m happy for them or because I’ve realized I’m in love or because I’m scared—no, terrified—that Jeremy won’t feel the same way.
I can do this, I tell myself. I do not have to turn into a blubbering baby in the middle of Bailey’s wedding. I close my eyes, try to tune out the minister’s words, and focus on my breathing.
But just when I think I’ve pulled myself together, Nikko’s deep voice breaks through my concentration. I hear him promising to love, honor, and cherish Bailey, forsaking all others, and the waterworks start all over again.
Lucky rolls her eyes and hands me another tissue, mouthing Last one.
Thank you, I mouth back. I’m trying as hard as I can to be subtle because the last thing I want to do is distract from Nikko and Bailey’s big moment, but it’s like a switch has been flipped and I just can’t stop. Out of the corner of my eye, I’m aware of Joyce passing something to Lucky who passes it to me. A cloth handkerchief this time. I wad up the wet tissues in the hand that’s holding my bouquet, hoping I don’t drop anything, and dab again at my face, trying to keep my movements subtle.
I pray my mascara isn’t a complete disaster. I still have to face the audience when we walk back down the aisle. If Jeremy asks, at least I can tell him that I always cry at weddings. Which I do, just not like this.
Finally, finally, the minister pronounces Bailey and Nikko husband and wife. They turn to face the congregation, to the sound of applause and cheers. The quartet strikes up the music again, and Nikko and Bailey walk back down the aisle, arm in arm.
I almost start sobbing all over again at the realization that they’re really and truly married now, but I choke it back and smile as widely as I can. First Joyce, then Lucky walk back down the aisle after Bailey, each with a groomsman.
Heather, the last grooms-person, shoots me a curious, concerned glance at me as we begin our walk down side by side. Out of the corner of my eye, I’m aware of Jeremy standing just a few feet away from me as I pass him, but I don’t make eye contact because I know it would be disastrous.
