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She straightens. “What? No, that’s not what I meant at all!”
The logical part of my brain believes her. Blaze isn’t the manipulative type. But the more primitive lizard-brain part feels like this is Christine all over again. Seduce the big lug and he won’t even notice that he’s being taken to the cleaners.
“You just threatened to leave town if I don’t let you have the Addison,” I argue. “You’re banking on me not being a big enough jerk to let you move away from all your friends and family. Maybe you’re banking on me liking you too much to let you! This is starting to feel a lot like blackmail.”
“Blackmail?” She leans forward across the table, her eyes flashing. “Jeremy, that’s ridiculous! That’s not what I meant. And I started applying to these jobs way before you and I hooked up.”
She’s right. I’m being ridiculous. And also jealous, petty, insecure…But I wouldn’t be any of those things if I didn’t like her so damn much. And if I didn’t feel so completely gut-punched that she’s clearly working on an entirely different level than I am.
“But you kept applying andtaking interviews and you didn’t think to mention it after we hooked up,” I point out. “If you don’t get the Addison and you’re offered one of those jobs, will you take it?”
She’s silent for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably.”
“So you’re serious about possibly leaving town and you didn’t even mention it,” I have to make an effort to lower my voice. “I said, ‘Hey, I like you.’ You said, ‘Great, let’s take this slow.’ You didn’t say, ‘Full disclosure, I’m applying for out-of-state jobs and could be leaving town at any time.’ I thought you were at least willing to give us a shot, but apparently, I wasn’t even important enough to mention this too.”
“I haven’t even been offered a new job, and if I were, I’m not even sure that I’d take it. I might not!”
“But you’re keeping your options open, aren’t you? Were you ever going to tell me, or was I just going to wake up one day and find the house next to mine empty?”
“I… I was going to say something. I was just… waiting for the right time,” she stammers.
I stand up. “My shift starts in a few minutes.”
“Jeremy, I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner.” She sounds legitimately contrite. “We were having such a nice time and I just didn’t want to, I don’t know… rock the boat, I guess.”
“Yeah, why let a little thing like honesty and openness spoil the fun?” I pick up my coffee.
“For heaven’s sake, Jeremy, sit down and let’s talk about this!”
Those big blue eyes are staring up at me, pleading silently for me to sit down again and quit being a jerk, but I can’t help myself. “I’ve got to get to work, Blaze.”
I head out the door. She does not come after me, not that I’d expect her to, but part of me wishes she would.
A couple of hours later, I’m holed up in my office at the station, going over paperwork, while Mikey runs drills outside. Well, I’m more shuffling things around. I feel equal parts guilty, stupid, embarrassed, and pissed off.
Accusing Blaze of using emotional blackmail to get me to give up the Addison was theasshole move of a desperately insecure guy. Walking out on her was just as bad.
And at the same time, I’m angry, and I don’t think I’m entirely in the wrong. Despite our agreement to take things slow and just see where it goes, I’ve fallen for her, fast and hard. If I’d had some warning, maybe I wouldn’t have let myself get so attached. I could have kept some distance between us, but we’re here now, and I like her a whole lot more than either of us is ready for.
Damn it. Keeping it light, my ass.
Just then the alarm sounds, shaking me out of my self-pity and sending a spike of energy through me. It’s been a hot, dry summer, and the danger of fires is high. Not that I want an emergency, but I’m glad to have something else to focus on, something I can take action on and do something about.
Fueled by adrenaline and habit, I’m on my feet and headed out into the main area before I’ve thought consciously about what I’m doing.
“Mikey!” I flag down my second-in-command. “What’s up? Fire?”
He shakes his head. “Accident.” He hesitates the barest fraction of a second. “At the library.”
25
BLAZE
As soon as I get to the library, I hand Trudy and Gigi their drinks and head straight for my office.
I’m short on time now, in addition to being frazzled, but I prep for the interview as quickly as I can and take the call. It lasts about half an hour and goes pretty well, all things considered. Once it’s done, I breathe a sigh of relief.
And then I let the anger take over.
