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“But what if I want the same thing?” Did I mention that after he’d heated my ass up he’d turned me over in his arms and kissed the living hell out of me? It was so hot I’d wanted to jump his bones, but once again he’d held me off. I sat on his lap feeling twitchy and needy with my ass stinging in a not unpleasant way. Something had been awakened in me that night and all I could think about was being with him in every way.
By then I knew my feelings for him were more than for the big gruff protector he’d become. I knew that I was all the way in love with him and it tore me up inside to think that he didn’t feel the same. Now he’d shown me another side of him, but all it did was make me want even more.
“You cannot know that until you know what it is that I want.” He looked at me for so long without saying anything else that I begun to get nervous. Then he trailed his finger down my cheek as he looked into my eyes and I lost all thought.
“Have you any idea how much I want you, how much I wish I could just take you into my bed and tie you there for a week? I want to get so deep inside you that you’d feel me even when I’m not in you. But it’s because I feel these things for you that I can’t take you now.”
“But why? I don’t understand. You’ve been leading me on for weeks, all the sweet kisses and little touches here and there. Were you just toying with me?” I tried getting off his lap but he just held me tighter. “I would never do that, not to you, look…there are things about me…” He broke off again and looked towards the fire he had going.
There was a tic in his cheek and I could feel the tension in the thighs under me. “What?” He was beginning to scare me. If he was about to tell me he was a killer or something I could tell him I wasn’t surprised. I mean all you have to do is see him and his brothers in action and you’d know they’ve done a thing or two. But I didn’t care.
“Do you know what a dominant is Susie?” I had to think about that one, I knew the word, but was he saying…? How could I have missed it? Of course that’s what he is, everything about him screamed it loud and clear. But his brothers all seemed to be made from the same mold, so what was the problem? If Dani and Gaby could deal with Connor and Logan, I’m sure I could too. Vanessa and Vicki are a bit more street wise so they didn’t count.
“Yes I think so, but what does that have to do with anything? Who doesn’t know you’re a control freak?” I got a growl and a nip on the edge of my jaw for that one. “That’s not what I mean. I’m a dominant in all things, including in bed, especially in bed. My life, the things I’ve done, the way I’m made; it’s the only way I can find pleasure.”
“When I take you it won’t just be a man taking a woman to his bed. Sometimes it’s going to be rough, sometimes I’m going to do things to you that you might not understand; you’re so innocent. The things someone like me needs in bed might be too much for you unless you’re prepared.” His words were sinking in and where a few short weeks ago I would’ve found them intimidating, even a little frightening, now they heated my blood. And that burn between my legs intensified.
“Most Doms look for subs, someone who’s already naturally compliant to their every wish. But that’s not what I want. I want to tame you, to make you mine in every sense of the word. I want all that fire and ice that runs inside your veins to belong to me, and only me.”
I swallowed hard as I gave his words some thought. Could I ever really be that person? If wishing it alone could make it so that I was his girl, but could I really let anyone have the kind of control he described over me? It sounded like he wanted me to give myself over completely. The prospect was equally exciting and scary at the same time.
“If you say you’re that way- that it’s the only way you can…you know.” I waved my hand between us. Shouldn’t you look for someone who’s already like that? Someone who won’t mind, who actually wants those same things?” Of course I’d have to kill him and the bitch, but the question had to be asked.
“No I don’t want someone who’s naturally submissive, I want to make you that way; I will make you that way. I’m going to fuck you, spank you and love you my way until it becomes everything you crave.”
“I will take you over completely, your heart, your mind, your body, they will belong to me forever. I’m going to teach you how to please me, and show you your own body’s pleasure. There will be times when you become scared, don’t, I’ll always protect you, but I will push your limits because it’s what I need to get off. Sometimes I’m gonna do you rough, hard and without tenderness. It doesn’t mean that I love you less it just means that my lust for you is strong.
Sometimes I will do you slow and easy with all the tenderness your little heart desires. It doesn’t mean that my lust has cooled it just means that I’m reading you and it’s what you need at the time. The time will come when I will know you inside and out, your every fear and joy.
Here’s the hard part, and the main reason for my holding back. Our life together goes way beyond sex in fact sex is just a small part of what’s going on here. I’m talking about a lifetime commitment to me, something that will not be taken lightly.
I will control your every move, even in matters that you may think inconsequential. Some might not agree with that, with my way of doing things and you might be one of them, I don’t care. It’s what I need it’s also my way of making sure that you stay safe always. One more thing, and this, is very important. You must always be very careful to follow my orders without question or divergence.
If you ever endanger yourself I will punish you severely. I would heed that particular warning if I were you. I guard what’s mine. No one is allowed to put you in danger, not even you.”
He placed his hand over my heart and rubbed gently with his fingers before easing it down between my thighs and my body responded. “These will belong to me completely when I take you, there will be no way out for you. Ever.” His words were potent and I couldn’t believe that I was reacting to them this way. The thought of giving myself over to him completely was like an aphrodisiac to my senses.
“So you see, we can’t rush because if I take you before you’re fully trained and something goes wrong, you can get very badly hurt and I don’t want that.”
“What can go wrong? I don’t follow.” I never knew sex could be dangerous, what was he planning to do to me anyway?
“Your place in my life, in my bed, will require complete submission to me. That means you never question my orders, you never disobey me in anyway in or out of my bed. You still need time to learn that and it’s up to me to teach you.”
That gave me food for thought. What was he talking about? I knew he was a little…different, knew that even with Connor’s over protectiveness, Logan’s take charge attitude and Zak and Tyler’s brand of crazy when it came to the girls, that there was something just a little extra about my Cord. I just chalked it up to him being in Special Forces or whatever. The commander had been a bit masterful himself. But this, this was a whole new territory for me.
He’s right, I am innocent but what he was describing would take more than experience, it would take someone with a very strong constitution. Giving myself over to him completely sexually was one thing, what he’d just described sounded almost like a life sentence. Only I wasn’t sure if it was a death sentence or the door to paradise.
“What if I can’t do it? What if I never learn to give in all the way, then what?” Just saying the words out loud made my tummy feel hollow.
“It’s too late for that baby, you have no choice.” Well then!
***
After that night things had escalated between us. He trained my body to react to the simplest things, a look, or a touch in the right place. A part of me tried to hold back, not because I didn’t like where it was going, but there was an element of fear and rebellion involved.
He has this way of taking me under with such ease that most of the time it was like coming out of a dream, like losing time. But while I was under, I felt total bliss.
If you’d told me a year ago that I would enjoy being tied to a bed, having candle wax melted on my bare stomach, or having a man tell me when, where, and how but no why, I would’ve spit in your eye and called you a liar. Now I enjoy all those things and more. And when we’re not in his little pleasure chamber where he makes my body sing and my heart yearn, I crave him and his touch.
